Death of the T.V. Theme Song

     Is anyone on Earth as sick of Beyoncé’s recent mega hit "Love on Top" as I am? Don’t get me wrong, I loved it the first thousand times Pandora shoved the song down my ear drums, but now I’m just plain sick of it.  I have to admit, however, that given the song’s catchy melody and lyrics, it actually has the makings of a fantastic television theme song. 

     I can see it now-a sassy talkin', arm crossin', hand-on-hip walkin’ Beyoncé opens the door of her Upper East Side Penthouse. Enter grumpy hubby (Jay Z as Mr. Beyoncé!), smart aleck kid (Willow Smith as Baby Beyoncé!), and the nosy, but lovable, neighbor (Kelly Rowland as Not Beyoncé!). The title rolls (The Beyoncé Show starring...Beyoncé!), she belts out “you’re the only one I neeeeeeeeed!”, and the song ends on a strategically timed upbeat.

     Now, I am no expert on the composition of television theme songs, but as student of Television Production and most importantly a lover of all things in the world of retro television, I have viewed countless television wonders of the 20^th century, and thus been happily exposed to some memorable intro tunes. I think I have watched enough shows to say that the true television intro theme has become somewhat of a dying art. Take  “Grey’s Anatomy” or “The Closer”. These two current hits only offer songs that are reduced to mere slivers of sound, allowing just enough time to show the title. Some, like “How I Met Your Mother”, completely avoid the use of an intro.

     Perhaps our new television viewing generation is too smart and too busy to be bogged down with lengthy intros, but some of us old fogies need guidance! Just by the theme songs of some classic hits like “Green Acres” or “Gilligan’s Isle”, I could decide if I wanted to know more about a city girl who gets allergic smelling hay, or if I could even bear listening to a tale of a fateful trip that started on a tropic port aboard a tiny ship.

"Green Acres" circa 1966

 "Dahling I love you but gimme Park Avenue..."

 
 "Gilligan's Isle" theme Song, circa 1964
Back story, plot development, and character description in 60 seconds.
Now that's a theme song, kiddo.

       I say the ball started rolling on this anti-intro song trend in the late eighties thanks to “Murphy Brown”, an outstanding American comedy that had no standard opening theme song for the entire decade it aired. From 1988 until the end of the series, the show used a different song- mostly Motown hits- to lead in each new episode, which must have been a licensing nightmare. The campaign was perpetuated with “Tossed Salad and Scrambled Eggs”, a jazzy little ditty that was thrown at the ending of the ‘90s TV gem "Frasier", and sung by its star Kelsey Grammer. And although the tune was indeed infectious, it had nothing to do with the show. 

The non-theme song theme song for "Frasier", circa 1993

        There are some current shows that do a respectable- dare I say, great- job of including an appropriate theme song. The theme for CBS’s “Big Bang Theory” comes to my mind, and actually never seems to leave once it enters. Barenaked Ladies’ contribution to television includes what I believe are standard rudiments of a great television theme song: 1. It’s an actual song. 2. It’s catchy. 3. It captures the essence of the show. 4. It is in the BEGINNING of the episode!!  

The lovably dorky theme song from CBS's "Big Bang Theory"

   Hopefully, the song stays around long enough to be considered a classic along with the amazingly funny sitcom it accompanies. And in case you have not been exposed to enough retro television to understand what I mean by "classic",  I will be more than happy to school you.
   
      Stay tuned!